all the perfect words seem so wrong

early__sunsets @ 2008-12-12T17:08:00

2008-12-12T22:09:16Z

i am literally falling apart right now.
i do not know what to do.

early__sunsets @ 2008-10-04T17:46:00

2008-10-04T21:48:37Z

everything is going pretty good.

im really happy right now in certain aspects of my life.
im really sad about something that happened a couple weeks ago. it was shocking, and hurtful, and just really upsetting. = / it sucks when someone lets you down and hurts you. i dont even know how to handle it right now but whatever.
sometimes i miss you, being in my life, my friend. i wish there was a way to be friends but idk if that can ever happen, or ever will = /

early__sunsets @ 2008-08-15T10:27:00

2008-08-15T14:27:48Z

i dont know what or who to believeeeeeee

early__sunsets @ 2008-05-14T22:26:00

2008-05-15T02:26:30Z

since i am constantly disappointed in you, i'm done expecting anything. doneeeee.

early__sunsets @ 2008-04-13T03:53:00

2008-04-13T07:54:05Z

im a mess.

early__sunsets @ 2008-04-10T15:11:00

2008-04-10T19:12:08Z

i love life today, this weather just makes me insanely happy. and although i have to go to work, im not even that mad cause im just so happyyyyy

early__sunsets @ 2008-03-11T23:28:00

2008-03-12T03:28:53Z

i need to relax!

early__sunsets @ 2008-03-03T20:22:00

2008-03-04T01:23:21Z

i had a really good weekend.
ive been really happy.
im so excited for italy and florida = ] = ] = ]

early__sunsets @ 2008-02-21T10:46:00

2008-02-21T15:50:02Z

you say you dont understand why i could be upset. im going to italy, i have a good bf, im doing well in school. what about all my personal problems? what about all the things that are constantly running through my head? the fact that in my head, im always thinking about the past and how i shouldve acted differently and blah blah. or what about my feelings towards my family? i know no one has a perfect family life, but it doesnt make it easier for me to handle to think that other people are going through their own shit. i dont like opening up to people because i dont like to cry, and im embarrassed, and i dont want to seem weak or hurt or anything. id rather be a bitch and hate the world than open up as to why im really upset. whatever i dont feel like anyone understands. bye.

early__sunsets @ 2008-02-07T01:28:00

2008-02-07T06:36:49Z

i love how one of the only nights in my life i can't fall asleep, is the night i need to be in bed because i have an early class tomorrow. my heads a mess, as usual. i miss some people, but i guess things have changed and there's nothing you can really do about it. i wish i was anywhere other than here. like on my way down to florida. i dont think people believe how bad i want to do this. whatever fuck it, its not like my dad or any of them would ever understand. cause you know, they know me oh so well. i want so many changes in my life and im too fucking chickenshit to put myself out there. i fucking hate it. im not that shy of a person once you get to know me, but why cant i just put myself out there. i guess im socially awk, which really sucks. the feminists in my philosophy and women class are really starting to irk me. i wish i dropped religion, i'm an ass for even thinking i could sit through it. thank god bobby is in it, otherwise it would be utterly unbearable. fuck i really need to sleep. i tried movie music reading. i wish i could pop a few tylenol pms and sleep the whole day away tomorrow. the only thing im looking forward to tomorrow is the fact that i have spanish class. candido is the man. k im gonna go to sleep, or more likely just lie in bed and just think and think and think and dwell and dwell and dwell. niice, cant wait.

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-31T16:15:00

2008-01-31T21:16:27Z

i really dislike my life as of right now.

! @ # $ % ^ ! @

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-27T05:59:00

2008-01-27T11:01:36Z

i broke down tonight. i liked it? i didnt liekporefgtnerkfl;,49i08ughybjknc,lx

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-26T09:40:00

2008-01-26T14:47:08Z

so, i don't really want to start any drama but this is also my journal. so if you don't like what it says, i dont give a fuck. so dont bring it up to me.

i love how all of a sudden we're not close anymore, and you have to "try and be nice" to me. meanwhile, it wasn't that long ago you were telling me you liked going to me for advice cause i always knew how to put what you wnated to say into words. and on january 13th you said, "you're one of the only people i trust in this small ass town..." really? so why was it two weeks later that you were "trying to be nice" (which i didn't realize you had to try to do) i mean whatever, i'm over it. i just needed to vent it out a bit.

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-21T13:44:00

2008-01-21T18:51:48Z

well, i'm home.

good thing? bad thing? happy? sad?
i don't know, i don't know.

i had a good time. met some good people. ate some good food.
i cried on the plane. i was really scared.
and plus, i really didn't want to come home.
i can't wait for this semester to be over already.
i emailed FGCU. i'm making this real.
people will probably think i'm just saying i want to do this and
that when it comes down to it, i won't really enjoy it.
but i think this is really what i want.
i'm gonna go for a long visit when the semester ends to see if it what i really want.
someone is kind of making me feel guilty. and i know it's not on purpose, but still.
i can't, and i won't limit myself.
things have "ended". whatever i dont even care.
i'm over it, and im over you. and you. and you too kinda.
my mind is a mess.

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-20T11:34:00

2008-01-20T16:35:07Z

honestly, if someone shipped all my clothes down to fla tomorrow, i'd be happy. i don't really wanna leave. im trying to convince my mom to move down.

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-19T12:14:00

2008-01-19T17:14:50Z

!@#$%$#! = my head.

always.

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-15T10:30:00

2008-01-15T15:38:09Z

i'm so done.
i've said this a hundred times before, but this time i'm serious.
it's not fair to me, at all. i feel like such an idiot.
at least you know how to spell my last name. nice.
i'm so over my mom using my car and then making mee put in gas money, no no. thats not how it works. and since she's using my car so much its only right for her to pay for the inspection, esp since she said she was going to. but she'll lie and say she never said that.

i can't wait to be in fla and just get away from everything. and then i get b ack and school starts so i can throw myself into that.

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-06T11:29:00

2008-01-06T16:29:40Z

i love my boyyyy <33

early__sunsets @ 2008-01-02T16:53:00

2008-01-02T21:53:38Z

whats good '08

early__sunsets @ 2007-12-26T10:47:00

2007-12-26T15:52:18Z

weird weird weird. i don't like it one bit. what am i gonna do? nothing, i suppose. i don't think i can handle it. weird. weird. weird. weeeiiirrd.

early__sunsets @ 2007-12-02T22:30:00

2007-12-03T03:32:43Z

i procrastinate way too much.

i could have been finished with this paper a week ago.
an hour ago.
now.

but here i am writing in this damn journal.

my butt hurts from how ive been sitting all night working on this damn paper.
i don't even know how to do citations.
the business office has a hold on my account and i don't know whyy and i'm pissed off that i have to take time out of preparing my paper/oral report to go down there and see what ti is.

im also mad that my registration time is during my english class which i need to be in to see everyones presentations so i have an idea on how to do mine. !@#$%^$@!#%%#@! im bugging out bye.

early__sunsets @ 2007-12-01T11:10:00

2007-12-01T16:11:34Z

WHEN WILL YOU STOP!?

early__sunsets @ 2007-11-26T19:39:00

2007-11-27T00:42:59Z

i slacked off too much this semester, and its all kicking me in the ass now.
but as long as i realize that this is diff than high school and i cant just bs my way through then whatever, its only my first semester im not gonna be perfect.
im so scared idk why. ive never been like this before. been the one to want it the most, to care the most. i guess i am selfish but i could argue that so are you. all i know is i realized what i need, and what i want.
i dont want to be writing this paper right now. my head is killing me.
i feel like im getting sick. i do nott wanna go to work tomorrow.
i hate working, especially there. idk !@#$

early__sunsets @ 2007-11-25T17:31:00

2007-11-25T22:32:26Z

i missed you so much.

early__sunsets @ 2007-11-23T15:01:00

2007-11-23T20:02:50Z

i have a headache.

i miss you tons already.

i hope it's not what i think it means, because then i'll be really upset.